speaking of cole

It is only now that the frenetic pace of the last few weeks has slowed that I have been able to really sit and reflect on one of the most important days of my life, June 17, 2005 - the day Cole was born and the 373 days since then.

On May 22, 2003 at 2:35 a.m. I wrote...

"Cole William... of him I dreamed. One day, two days, three days, four... Just last night another test. How many have we taken? This time, this moment... two lines. I walked in and my heart stopped for just a moment. I switched the light off, then on. I peaked again... two lines!!"

I dreamed about my son the night before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I have prayed for him ever since.

From June 17, 2003 at 5:55 a.m.

"Father, bless Cole. Cover him. Give him zeal laced in compassion. May he know you, be overwhelmed by you and eager to receive all you have for him..."

From August 27, 2003 at 9:30 a.m.

"Cole William Olukayode Tschetter - victorious and resolute; a protector to whom God has brought joy." Father I praise you for this life fearfully and wonderfully being formed in secret - soon to emerge in your glory. Bless him, Lord. I pray he would be strong in mind, body, spirit and soul. I pray that he would know you and stand fast in the victory by which you have freed him. May he walk boldly and confidently in you - willing to guard that which is pure, holy, sacred... yours. Fill him with life, Lord. Let his joy abound. Let it overflow to all with whom he comes in contact. Teach him to laugh, to rejoice, to abound in thankfulness. Give his zest, zeal and abundant life."

From October 18, 2004 at 11 p.m.

"Here I sit... a different couch, a different home... nonetheless, familiar. A year ago, if you would have asked me where I thought I would be today, I never would have dreamed of this. One day, two days, three days, four... the test... two lines. TWO LINES??? The cramps, the hunger, the disbelief... utter disbelief...

Father I give you this life. I pray that from the very foundations and formations that he or she is yours. He or she. Father, I thank you..."

From October 26, 2004, not sure what time

" Although I've only known about you for a week, I've been praying for you for over a year. Totally unexpected. Another gift. Another promise from the Lord. My son? Is this you growing inside of me? Is this you Cole?"

From February 5, 2005 at 8:00 a.m.

"Cole Solomon Ayodele Tschetter - Victory, peace, joy. This is the name - the legacy - the prophecy I believe the Lord has given to you. As I studied about David this fall, I was struck most by his son. God spoke to me through his son, Solomon - peaceful. Only as I read further did I realize that God has spoken to me before about MY son through Solomon. "For my son," I wrote in the margin of my bible in 5/02... "For our Solomon 5/02.

The prophecy is yours...

"Behold a son shall be born to you, who shall be a man of rest; and I willl give him rest from all his enemies all around. His name shall be Solomon. For I will give peace and quietness to Israel in his days. He shall build a house for my name and he shall be my son, and I will be his father; and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever." - I Chron 22:9,10..."

From June 17, 2005 at 3:00 p.m.

"Today is the day! As the hours go by, it seems more and more clear that the day we've been waiting for is here. You are calm within me... every once in a while I feel your feet moving, but you seem to be at peace. Rebekah, one of my midwives, just called to say that Kim, the other mom who went into labor today, had a boy. I wonder what and who you will be.

Father, Thank you for your timing. Thank you for your sovereign hand guiding every step along the way. Be with all of us, Lord. I ask that you would be Lord of each and every contraction. I ask that your holy hand would rest on this baby, on Maya on Paul, on Cheri, on Rebekah and me. I ask for joy and favor, Lord. I ask that you would uphold each of us with your strong hand. Be with our baby, Lord. Work out each and every detail. Sustain him or her. Help this child to endure. In your perfect timing, bring this life forth. I thank you, Lord. You are good and your love endure and overwhelms me. Cover us in your fortress. Strengthen us in our weakness. Be glorified today."

At 6:48 p.m. my son, my promise was born.

From June 22, 2005 at 12:15 p.m.

"My son. My beloved promise... you are here. I've dreamed about you... the first was over two years ago. God has spoken to me about you, about your life and your purpose... nearly three years ago... and now Cole, you are here.

When I first discovered I was pregnant with you , I was unsure how to love you and how to receive the most unexpected news. Since then, God has just warmed my heart for you; revealed such beautiful, powerful insight into you. And today, as we sat together - just you and me - all I felt was immense, overwhelming love. My son. My beautiful, peaceful, victorious son. Thank you, Father for this most precious gift. Thank you for Cole William Olumide Tschetter. Thank you for the perfect and complete promise. I am forever humbled and eternally grateful."

As I sit here and read through old journals and just a handful of my thoughts and the prayers I've prayed over the last three years for my son, I am overwhelmed with emotion. As I think about my little boy and the fulfillment of prophecy he already is, my chest is tight, my heart is full and my eyes are flooding. As I think about the hardest six months of my life - Cole's first six months - I can't help but chuckle. "WHEN WILL THE PEACE COME, LORD???" my mind screamed countless nights as I bounced (literally) so he would fall asleep. It did. It has.

I am humbled. Totally and utterly humbled. I am so thankful.

Thank you, thank you, Lord for my son. Thank you who he is and who he will be. Thank you for the lifelong companion and friend he has in his sister. Thank you for my beautiful children, Father. Thank you for this most remarkable year.